Moment of Truth
by the Black Rose
Summary: HYxRP. Heero proposes to Relena, but there's a big obstacle in his path. 'Did you expect me to wait for a man who told me not to'
1. Did you expect me to wait for a man who ...

Moment of Truth

Moment of Truth

Lines of worry creased his brow as he smoothed clammy palms over the coarse fabric of his slacks and reached to open the door.His mouth felt dry as he pulled the delicate gold band from his pocket.Upon his entrance, he saw her shoot up from her chair, eyes wide, and heard her utter his name in a strangled cry of recognition.

"Relena…"

He reached and took her hand, clasping it a moment before lifting it to his lips.Still holding it gently, he bent down on one knee. She breathed an astonished gasp as he looked into those familiar blue eyes that always regarded him so tenderly.And knowing he had nothing left in the world to lose, he willed himself to ask the question all logic told him not to dare.

"Will you marry me?"

She blinked once, twice, and a third time; he couldn't read the expression on her face.He didn't miss the slight tremble in her lips or the tears that formed in her eyes. He held his breath a moment, still tightly clutching her hand, holding it near his chest, near his heart.

"No."

He felt his heart drop into his stomach at her answer."Relena…." He called out again, feeling her wrench her hand from his grasp.

"I said no, Heero."

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.He wasn't going to go down without a fight."Why not?"

Her eyes widened for a moment before narrowing to angry slits."You know damn well why not!You know I'm already engaged, what do you think you're doing?Did you think I'd just drop everything and forget my whole life, my relationship because you come waltzing back in here…" She looked up and met his gaze with flashing light blue eyes, "into my life…" Her voice faltered and her expression softened, the deep creases of her brow relaxing, "with a…ring."She looked down at the ring she still held and he could see more tears spring to her eyes as her hands began to shake."…a beautiful ring and …"She swallowed and couldn't continue.She turned back towards her desk to grab a tissue.

Heero watched her break down in painful silence.He had at least gotten through the first line of her defenses if she was crying.

Hope swelled in his chest and he ventured the words that had been sorely missing from their relationship."I love you, Relena. I'm not just offering you a ring, and you know that.You know how difficult this is for me, you know how difficult it's always been."

With her head bowed and her back still turned towards him, she recovered enough of her composure to speak again, "You said you couldn't live in my world, Heero.You left because you didn't want this life.What did you think, that I would wait forever for a man who told me not to?"

"No.I just didn't realize…"

"Didn't realize what, Heero?"Her voice was still quiet as she turned slowly around to face him, dragging her eyes with effort up to meet his gaze.

He took another deep breath and whispered in a shaky voice, "I didn't realize how miserable I was without you."He could see pain spark in her eyes with that statement an instant before she lowered them to stare at the floor.

"You were miserable with me, remember?"Her voice wasn't sad, it was empty, devoid of the emotion that so defined her in his eyes.

"No, I wasn't.I just…."

This was so hard; finding the words, putting emotions into words had always been difficult for him.But it had never been more important than at this moment.

"Everything, every situation in life is different.It has good points and bad.Being unhappy is when the bad outweighs the good, but sometimes…." He swallowed against the unfamiliar lump that had started to form in his throat."Sometimes you have to try a different situation before you see all the good points in what you had before."

"You left because you said you couldn't handle the spotlight, the parties, the politics."

He could hear the harsh timbre of accusation in her tone and his pulse quickened with his anger. He suddenly felt hot all over."No, I left because I hated having to share you, Relena," he said with narrowed eyes and a dark scowl etched upon his features as he remembered what had been almost like another lifetime."All day long it was your job, and politicking, and reporters and parties.I got tired of being your escort and your bodyguard.You took it for granted I'd always be there…"

"I took YOU for granted!"

He could see the way her lips were pressed into a thin line and her hands had formed angry fists at her side.Yelling at one another was not the best way to resolve anything, and so he sought to calm himself.He took several deep breaths to slow his heartbeat back to its regular pace."Yes, you did."

He wasn't sure if it was a blessing or a curse when she turned her back to him again.On the one hand, it was easier to speak when she wasn't staring at him with all the hurt and pain two years of separation had caused, but on the other, it spoke too closely to the truth of their situation now.He could see the way her shoulders were shaking and knew she was crying again.But there were still things left unresolved between them, things he had to say.

"I needed to find my place in this world, Relena, I thought it was with you.But you were always too busy taking care of the rest of the world's problems to help me through mine.It didn't matter how it made me feel to see those people glare at me, and to hear the snide remarks they made about my being by your side.My presence soiled you in their eyes, and I hated that."He took a deep breath before continuing and felt the sharp pang of emptiness in his heart."I hated myself."

Her resentful laugh echoed eerily in the room.

"So you left."

The bitterness of that statement washed over him in a cold, heavy wave.He could feel tears in his eyes as he spoke to her quietly, in a voice that might have belonged to the kind boy he had once been. "I needed to become a better man, Relena."

She reached a hand towards her desk for support, as if afraid her knees would buckle.He took a step forward prepared to catch her if she fell, but instead she turned around to face him once again.More tears coursed down her cheeks as he lowered his gaze to the ground; he couldn't bear to see the pain he was causing her.Unconsciously, his hands clenched at his sides.

"Heero, I…" Her voice cracked and failed her, bathing the room in strained silence.

Summoning the last of his strength and courage, he tore his gaze from the ground and agonizingly forced himself to meet her eyes.He could see the same pain and hurt he was faced with every morning in the mirror reflecting in those light blue orbs.He took another step towards her and was encouraged that she didn't flinch away and so he reached out a hand to wipe away her tears as he had once before, so long ago.

She closed her eyes at his gentle touch and seemed to revel in it for a moment.His heart contracted painfully in his chest; it had been so long….He felt her warm breath caress his cheek for a brief instant before he pulled away and spoke to her again.

He straightened his posture, the tension of his shoulders and the tight lines in his face revealing all the feelings he usually sought to hide. "Tell me that you love this guy and I'll leave you alone with only my best wishes for your happiness." He began, straining to keep his voice steady and without the telltale emotion that seemed to creep in all too often these days.The rapid beating of his heart pounded in his ears, threatening to drown out the sound of his own voice as he formed the words that would hold his life and death in the answer."But if you still care anything at all for me, Relena, I'd like another chance."

There was no question in her eyes when she looked at him.He was sure he knew the answer she was about to give, and felt the world drop from underneath his feet.He steeled himself for the words she was about to say and hoped that he would be able to at least leave with his dignity, and not break down like he felt he already was inside.In all the battles he had fought, a few simple words from this woman would be the ones to destroy him.

"I…I love him, Heero."

He nodded quietly and ignored the searing pain in his chest.Gunshot wounds and broken bones were nothing in comparison to the stabbing pain of a broken heart, he decided as he turned on his heel and with shaky legs began to move towards the door.He wanted to say something, but he didn't trust himself to speak; he didn't know what to say, anyway.

He reached a numb hand towards the doorknob, and felt the comforting smoothness of the cool metal against the rough flesh of his palm as he turned the object to let himself out of her office, and out of her life forever.

But then the silence and his pain were broken with the salve of truth and sacrifice.

"But not as much as I love you."

********************************

AN: This was an exercise in showing vs. telling, but it turned out better than I expected.I was reading through some of the reviews I've received from all you guys, and wanted to post something as a way to just say thank you.

Those two words sound so inadequate compared to the appreciation I hold for all the kind words and humorous ranting and raving at the various cliffhangers I leave you all with - all done in good fun and with great, if not somewhat reluctant, patience on your end.I hope you will all continue to enjoy Missing by a Mile and Traitor to the Cause - and maybe a few others in the future.^__^

Thank you.

Love,

The Black Rose


	2. But is loving you enough? Enough to make...

Disclaimer: As always, I don't own GW or any of the characters.  I even borrowed the fiancé's name from my brother (though my brother has blue eyes not brown).

Moment of Truth

By the Black Rose

Author's Note:  SURPRISE!  A second part to this very short, 2 chapter fic.  I don't have anywhere else to take it in mind, so this is the end for now.  Just wanted to throw a little sap out there, since I don't do that near enough. Think of it as the light at the beginning of the freight train of angst heading our way… Eh heh heh heh.   It's nothing spectacular, but I hope you will enjoy it.  *hugs*  Love, Rose

Chapter 2

"Thank you," Relena said and sat down.  She let out an uneasy sigh and forced a smile at the hostess that had led her to the table.  It was a fancy restaurant, the type he used to despise, with the pristine white tablecloths, the elevator-style music, and one too many forks for his liking.  Who cared which one went with salad, and which one went with dinner?

He watched as she folded and unfolded her hands, then fidgeted with the napkin in her lap.  He read her lips as she ordered tea from the waiter, then changed it to coffee, and finally settled on a margarita instead.  A frown creased his forehead; Relena rarely consumed alcohol.  He knew this must be difficult for her.

He closed the door to her office and rested his head on the polished wood. Relief soaked his skin and was absorbed into his blood stream like a drug.  She still loved him. The thought pumped air into his lungs and he could breathe again.

He opened his eyes and straightened his posture, turning to look back at Relena.  She was wringing her hands with a pained expression on her face.  

_"But is loving you enough?  Enough to make it work this time?" Her eyes pleaded and she stared at him as if she were trying to search his very soul for the answer._

_"Yes," he said and moved towards where she stood.  He gazed down at the woman before him and lifted a hand to tuck some wayward strands behind her ear as he bent down to steal a kiss from trembling lips.  She pulled away._

_"I…I can't Heero.  I'm still engaged to Jonathan.  I have to think this all through."_

_"Relena, you said…"_

_"I know.  And I, I'm willing to try, Heero.  But I do care for Jonathan.  I just need some time."_

_"I understand," he said and turned away. "It's going to hurt worse before it gets better.  But if you need…anything, I won't be very far."_

_            "When did you get to be so wise, Heero Yuy?" He could hear the smile on her lips even though he couldn't see it._

_            "Wisdom is only surviving your mistakes.  I've just made more than most people our age."_

A man in a well-tailored suit arrived, his head darting from left to right as he entered the mouth of the dining room. He saw the hostess gesture towards Relena's table, and the new arrival took off in that direction.  Even if Heero hadn't known whom she was meeting, he would have easily surmised that the man was Jonathan – the fiancé.  

"Soon to be ex-fiancé."  

            *                      *                      *                      *                      *                      *

She saw him, looking handsome in his dark navy suit as he rounded the corner and approached the table where she sat in wait.  Relena smiled when they made eye contact, but her heart wasn't in it.  It was beating at a hectic pace and her stomach churned in perfect time, making her feel nauseas.  She stood up to receive the obligatory peck on the cheek before they both sat down again.  Her mouth felt dry and her quaking hand reached out for the large glass on the table's edge, and then went back to folding her napkin on her lap.

"Sorry I'm late, my meeting finished…" He was interrupted by the waiter asking what he wanted to drink.  Jonathan quickly glanced to see what Relena was drinking and arched an eyebrow at the margarita glass before ordering iced tea.  "Tough day at the office?" 

"Not really," she said in a voice that strained to sound normal, but failed in her estimation.  She looked down at her hands. Her left one felt strange, naked, without the engagement ring that had been a part of her regular attire for the last six weeks.  She wondered if she would be able to begin her well-rehearsed speech before he noticed it was missing.

            "Is something wrong?"

She looked up into brown eyes framed by deep creases in his normally smooth brow.  Guilt grabbed her stomach in its merciless talons, and she had to look away.

"Relena, why aren't you wearing your ring?"

            The tightness in his voice seeped through the restaurant's easy atmosphere, and it added to the pain she was already feeling inside.  She had to tell him, he deserved to know, he honestly deserved better than what she could offer him.  She just hoped that someday he'd understand.  "Jonathan, I…"

            Mechanically, she slid the black box with the ring tucked safely inside across the table. "I…"

His dark eyes narrowed as he stared down at the table.  A nervous laugh escaped his lips.  "Is this some sort of a joke, Relena?"

            "No.  I'm sorry. I can't…I can't marry you."

            He had been leaning forward over the table, as if straining to hear her words, but now he sat up and away from her, his brown eyes set in a troubled frown.  "Are you going to tell me why?"  

            Relena's eyes fell to the starched white cloth she continued to toy with in her lap. "I…" 

"If it's too soon, we can push back the date.  I don't want to rush you." The urgent pleading in the tone of his voice caused her heart to lurch again in her chest.  He had been kind, and a sincere friend she had grown to love.  It wasn't his fault she still had feelings for someone else.

"No.  It's not too soon." 

"Is it something I've done?"

She winced and felt her hand tighten around the napkin, chortling the life out of it in a dim reflection of what she was doing to the man before her.  But she had faith that in time, he'd fine someone else – someone better than a woman that would love him only second-best.  "No.  It's nothing you've done.  It's nothing you haven't done.  I've just come to realize that I don't love you the way that you deserve, Jonathan.  You deserve a wife that loves you better than I do."

"I don't understand." He sounded farther away than he had ever been.  She lifted her heavy gaze to meet his eyes.

"I care for you very deeply, but I can't love you with my whole heart." Her voice dropped to a whisper.  "I love someone else."

"You what?  When? Who?  Have you been seeing someone behind my back?" His voice pitched to an angry level.  She could feel the stares of the people around them boring into her skin, and hear the hushed murmurs begin.  

_"Isn't that Relena Darlian and her fiancé?"_

            "No.  I haven't been seeing anyone. I wouldn't do that to you. It's…It's Heero.  I still love him, Jonathan."

"And you're just now realizing this?  Relena, this doesn't make sense."

"I-I don't expect you to understand…"

"Oh, well, thanks a lot.  Dammit Relena, we've been through this.  You were over him.  I waited, and…"

"I thought I was, too.  But I'm not, and I won't be happy always wondering what if I had given it one more chance?"

"Heero.  That jerk who left you two years ago to go 'find himself' and told you not to wait? You're going to throw away our relationship on the off chance he'll come back? Do you know how juvenile that sounds?  How utterly stupid…Relena, you love me, don't do this."

"I'm sorry, Jonathan."

"You'll change your mind.  You're just having cold feet…"  
"No, it's not that."

"We can postpone the marriage, take it slower….I'll give you time to see you are over him."

"I'm not, and I never will be.  I don't wish it could be different, I only wish I didn't have to hurt you like this."

His hands flew to either side of his head, knotting in his hair. "This…this is unbelievable.  Just like that, two years of our lives just gone…. for that jerk."

"He's not a jerk." Her voice revisited its firm timbre of command.  "He's had a different life than you and I, and his emotions are more difficult for him to understand."

Jonathan's jaw dropped and he just stared at her, angry flames burning in his usually kind eyes.   He bolted from his seat, and threw his napkin at the table.  "You're not kidding.  I do deserve better than this."

_Go. And find someone who can return your heart.  _

"I'm sorry." She blinked and lowered her gaze to the table.  She couldn't believe how calm she felt despite the trembling of her hand as she reached for her margarita again.  

_"What's wrong?" She asked him, her hand finding his across the backseat of the limousine.  But Heero wouldn't look at her._

_"Nothing."___

_"You're not going to talk to me?" She pulled away. "Let me guess, you're angry that I dragged you to another one of these formal affairs?"_

_"Yes."_

_She glared at the back of his head.  "Heero, you haven't had to go to one for more than two months.  I have to attend these things from time to time, so you might as well learn to deal with them."_

_"Hn."__ He continued to stare out the window, but his eyes didn't follow the scenery as they passed by.  It was almost like he didn't see it._

_"What's really bothering you?" She softened her tone, trying to get him to speak to her._

_There was a long pause, then finally: "I saw that interview you did last week."_

_Her shoulders drooped.  "Oh.  Yes, I was really angry about that myself."_

_"You could have at least told them that the reason I threatened you was because it was my job.  You could have connected me to Wing, that was the only reason I was going to kill you." He met her with  narrowed, accusing eyes.  The look on his face was as effective as any gun could have been.  It nearly killed her._

_"It wouldn't have mattered.  It would have brought more attention to the situation.  I just wanted to move passed that line of questioning."  Her words begged for his understanding..  He turned away._

_"Instead, all your cronies think I may end your life at a moment's notice."_

_"Well, I had no idea you spent the first half of your life as an assassin, Heero.  Maybe if you'd let me in from time to time and tell me these things I could be better prepared to handle those kinds of questions."_

_"I didn't know." His voice was low and far away._

_"What do you mean you didn't know?"_

_"I don't remember anything before my training with Dr. J.  He told me that the genetic experiments would wipe out my memory.  If he knew what I did before that time, he never told me, and I knew better than to ask."_

"Are you all right?" Heero asked, interrupting her thoughts with his deep voice.  His hand came to rest on her shoulder.  

She blinked up into frowning sapphire eyes filled with his familiar, but now somewhat gentler concern.  "Yes.  I'm okay.  What are you doing here?"

"I just wanted to make sure things didn't get out of hand." 

"He wouldn't hurt me, but thank you.  Won't you stay and have dinner with me?"

He nodded and sat down, pushing the glass of tea to the side of the table.  She saw him eye her glass.

"Yes, I know.  I was a little nervous."

He nodded. "I could tell.  I was watching you."

"You always do."

He reached and covered her right hand with his own.  She smiled and met his tender gaze.  Her heart did flip-flops in her chest and made her feel warm all over, as if she was melting into the man across from her.   But the moment was interrupted as Jonathan came charging back into the dining room.

Her eyes widened and she pulled her hand from Heero's grip.  She instantly shot out of her seat.  "Jonathan!"

"I can't believe this.  I came in here to apologize, to try and change your mind, and I find you here with..with…him!  You lied to me, Relena."

"Lied to you?"

"That B.S. about still being in love with Heero when you've got bachelor number three here moving in before the cushion of my seat gets warm.  What did you do, call him up and tell him to wait until you got rid of me and then you two could have a good time? 'Sorry, I just have to ditch my fiancé before our date.  It should only be a minute.'"

"I didn't know he was here."

"Oh right," he spat and took a menacing step forward.  Heero moved to block his path.

"She didn't.  I have a habit of watching over her.  When we were together, and even the time that we spent apart.  I was still watching, still protecting her."

"Who the hell are you?"

"Heero Yuy, it's a pleasure." He shoved his hands in his pockets.

"Jonathan Durham.  I see."

Relena tapped Heero's shoulder, and indicated he could move aside.  She looked up at the man who had been her friend for all this time.

"It wasn't easy, Jonathan, when he came back.  But I still love him, and that in itself isn't fair to you."

Jonathan took a deep breath and ran a hand through his hair, turning to glare at the man standing in front of his chair.  "Take care of her," he said. 

Heero's eyes flicked over to the woman beside him, then up at the tensed features of the defeated opponent.  He nodded.  

Jonathan turned and quietly exited the restaurant.

_'That's just my job.  This time around I'm going to love her.'_


End file.
